MELINDA MUSING
SHOCKED
Tripping through the stages
Melinda Miles-Lindberg
Oct 6,2022
Culture shock.
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3. No pasa nada
In the next stage resolution sets in. Compromise in one’s
brain. Everything before that led to anxiety and frustration now evokes ¨no pasa nada¨.
It’s okay.
I can see that I have shifted when I meet other ex-pats that
are squarely in the frustration/homesickness phase. I say silently to them
“let go”; you will not change the Panamanians, but you yourself will change.
Laidbackness marks the Latino culture. Things take a while,
and when you lean into it, it can be so relaxing. It is not up to me to fix
how they do anything; it is up to me to adjust to their way of doing things.
I need to leave if I want it to be a different way. So,
instead, I let it go. If the ATM does not work, I will try the next time in town. As
no one cares if there’s garbage around, I avert my eyes.
And sometimes, the feeling that manana is soon enough can work
in our favor. Our garbage bill was nine months in arrears and no one cared.
No one quit picking up our garbage every Friday.
They did shut off our electricity though. More than once. Now
we know that three months in arrears on “luz” is the limit.
Navigation becomes easier for everyone as new friends and
communities of support is established.
Just keep tripping through the stages.
4. Finally, Peace.
A complete understanding of the Latino culture isn’t necessary
to function and thrive in Panama. During the last stage, the acceptance
stage, ex-pats draw together the resources they need to feel at ease. The
ex-pat realizes that the way the locals do it may never make sense. But it is
how it is, which, to me, is fine and dandy.
So to maintain that peace there are some things Ingrid and I
avoid. That’s not necessarily a good thing. Yet we do it.
As health nuts, we avoid local restaurants.
As fans of minimalism, we don’t drive to Boquete or David for
every American item missing from our refrigerator.
We relax more. We know in time the new ex-pats will relax more
too. And we know that in time they'll learn as we did to eventually
re-navigate.
Reframe it.
Take the good and leave the bad.
I no longer feel the need to stress or worry as much. This
stage is critical not to drive yourself bonkers when you live abroad,
anywhere. It is the stage of true bliss and enjoyment to witness yourself in
moments of peace and serenity — the actual acceptance of yourself and the
ability to change and adapt to any situation.
A fancy word for homesickness.
When one transitions to another type of life, anxiety sets in.
Snarkiness takes root. The disorientation of a new country can lead to the
worst in an ex-pat’s otherwise pleasant personality. Treatments for the condition are time, experiences, and
mindfulness activities.
Let’s look at ex-pats tripping through the stages.
1. The bliss of infatuation
The difference between being a tourist and being a resident is
that tourists stay in the first stage of culture shock and never leave it.
It’s the bliss of infatuation, the honeymoon stage.
Who doesn't love a honeymoon? The dopamine hits when you land
in a new country. Everything smells new. Everything exudes adventure. The
food, the people, the buildings, the mountains, the sea.
Ingrid and I try to hide our smirks as new residents revel in
situations that we now barely take note of. Like a short conversation on the
beach in Spanish. Or the opening of a new restaurant.
When you stay long enough the newness wears off. The resident
stays. The tourist plans the next vacay to a different country.
2. Plain old homesickness
If the ex-pat stays long enough, the bliss of infatuation
gives way to old-fashioned homesickness. Bouts of depression mark the next
stage often referred to as the frustration stage.
I started to feel helpless at so many mundane things;
Why can’t the waiters come over without being flagged down?
Why does the ATM run out of money all the time?
Why can’t anyone understand my Spanish?
Why won’t they feed their dogs?
How can the garbage everywhere not bother them?
Something’s gotta give. Luckily, something does. Keep reading.